Lena Dunham Starts Plus-Size Clothing Line; Gets Plus-Sized Criticism
There are so many things that can be said about Lena. Usually they start with "what the fuck..." and end with "and this is why we are all going to hell in a handbasket" (before you ask, yes I am from the Midwest) .
Her latest endeavor is no different. Apparently she thinks people want to dress like her, and the clothing designer, 11 Honore, agreed, so they have released a "plus-sized clothing line":
Now, I'm no fashion designer, but I have been studying the right way to dress myself since I was a very young child and I do pay attention to trends, I checked out book after book from the local library before I was even a teenager in the pursuit learning how to craft a look of fashionable things that fit my body and my budget.
I will admit that I have failed, as Lena has, on occasion to wow people with my outfits. My husband hated my zebra print jacket from Chico's, which I bought exclusively for its lime green lining, but most of the time I am coordinated and put together, even when I'm working in the yard.
I'm no supermodel, I'm not tall, I have big boobs (which still look great at my age) , I've given birth to a child, and I'm almost fifty. Even with all those things conspiring against me, I know how to dress myself.
I have good things, and because I am cheap af, I never pay full price for those things. Even when I lived in poverty, I knew what thrift stores had the best stuff. I could teach a class on "How to work a clearance rack at Kohls and maximize coupons".
So based on my expertise of being smart about what I wear and also smart about my clothing budget I will review Lena Dunham's new "line."
I would like to address at this time the fact that a model other than Lena is wearing these clothes, and she is lovely, but clearly even 11 Honore didn't think Lena could carry it off for catalog photos.
We begin with The Madderlake dress:
Not a bad dress, and I'd totally wear it, in fact it looks an awful lot like the dress I wore to my high school graduation in 1989 that I bought from a clearance rack at the Limited for $24. Or the one I bought from a clearance rack at Ross Dress for Less last summer (different pattern of course because I'm a grown up for fuck's sake) for $15.99.
This dress which is available in similar versions all over the internet right now is rocking a price tag of $268. Let that sink in. $268.
Moving on, to the Ballroom Shirt:
I like it, I really do. It looks like the one I bought at Walmart last month for $5.99 when I stopped there to get shampoo and ended up dicking around in the clearance racks.
I also got a super cool pair of pants for a dollar and more tank tops. And I forgot the shampoo, but that's another story.
This shirt, which practically begs for a wayward meatball covered in marinara to land on it can be yours for just $128.
Then there's the Dean Blazer, and take a real good look at it, I hope you see what I see and why scalloped edges on a blazer are a real bad idea.
See where the blazer overlaps and the scallops don't match up? Sloppy. This begs the question when in the history of EVER has it been a good idea for a plus size woman to wear a double breasted jacket? Double breasted and pin stripes, no less?
This looks like a one size fits all "Sexy Gangster" costume from Spirit Halloween. Taking the nope train on this one. Sleeves are too long, the fit is all wrong (see the buttons pulling) and the material is wrinkly like its been left in the dryer and someone forgot to hang it up. Also its $298. Fuck that. I can buy this on November 1st on clearance for $14.
That jacket is designed to paired with the DeLuca Skirt (and no folks, the irony is not lost on me that this "suit" when you put it together is named for a place that sells groceries, overpriced groceries)
Honestly I'd probably wear this skirt, or a reasonably priced facsimile, because I prefer my skirts shorter, but I would go with a pink twinset to make the blue pop, and some pink loafers.
What I would not do is give anyone $138 for this skirt. You gotta be straight trippin' if you think that's going to happen.
Tell em Raven!
Which brings me to the last piece in this "collection" the $98 A.I.R. Tank.
Its a fucking Tank Top, folks. Literally available at Walmart for less than $10 I bet. It'll be a cold day in hell before I give $98 for a white tank top.
Lena's remarkable lack of self awareness permeates every piece in this collection and I'm not the only one who noticed. In fact, Lena's friends on the progressive Left have been harsher on her than I have:
Now, for me, my biggest wonder is did anyone with eyes that work look at any of the designs before they put them on the website? Lena wanted clothes you can wear without Spanx and without a bra (what her fascination is with bralessness, I don't think I will ever understand) and yet put her name on a collection of clothes that cannot be worn sans undergarments.
She blathers on and on about how she relates to all the gals out there who have struggled with finding clothes that fit and designs a suit that looks like a middle schooler's first attempt at using a sewing machine and names it after a grocery store chain.
That's a person who has not stopped to think about anything. Ever.
Lena doesn't need new clothes, she needs glasses, because she struggles with optics.
She thinks she is maligned on the red carpet because of her body and her fashion, and she put that narrative on a loop in her empty head. Every time someone looks away for 12 seconds she comes back, in a too small bikini, or a dance video by the pool, or an ill timed tweet sharing her very important thoughts on womxn's rights. Or now in an ill fitting suit with a ridiculous price tag for sale on a website whose upper management clearly did zero research into who Lena Dunham is before slapping her name on a collection.
This foray into fashion is ill planned and poorly executed, and it leaves me wondering if perhaps Lena would be better served by staying quiet and focusing on her health.
My guess is this collection will go STC - Straight to Clearance, I'll be waiting with my coupons.