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Inside An Emergency Meeting at Big Pharma

Editor's Note: Becca Ducksworth, an executive at a Big Pharma Company, agreed to allow us to transcribe parts of a recent "Emergency Meeting" that occurred in late February. The following is an account what transpired.


Hi all, Becca here just touching based on how things are going since Omicron.

First off, I have heard it said that someone has been playing Joe Rogan during work. That is absolutely unacceptable given Joe Rogan's hateful and bigoted remarks, as well as the fact that Joe Rogan is singlehandedly hurting our bottom line.

I shouldn't have to explain this to you, if not for Joe Rogan our bonuses would be much larger.

Yes, Brad? Ah we found the culprit!

You were listening with Darnell and Miguel down in shipping?

What does that have to do with anyth--well they can feel however they want to feel, but some of our other POC employees are very hurt by what you said.

LaToya over in advertising said for instance that she never heard anything so hateful in her life, not even at Harvard. No it doesn't matter what league LaToya's dad played for or if she paid full price tuition, her opinion is just as valid as Darnell, maybe even moreso because she's a WOC and he's only POC.

Have you read *any* of the literature I send you Brad?

*ugh if only I'd kept my mouth shut after we hooked up, Brad couldn't blackmail me about those inappropriate jokes I made about Latoya*

In retrospect, the afro and the ebonics speak was a bit heavy handed.

Anyway, things aren't looking quite as good these days since omicron. Boosters aren't selling like we hoped. I'm glad that the friendly governors haven't dropped the vax mandates just yet but we need to stay on it, people, or else it's all over.

Trudeau kept our Canadian division going strong, big thank you to the people who blackmailed him with that paternity test from Castro, but it does seem like things are shifting unless we make big moves.

If anyone has any strategies on integrating this new normal with our current visions and strategies, please feel free to touch base and I'll make sure to circle back to you.

On to my favorite topic: DEI initiatives! For this month I asked you all to bring in an object that you think best represents Black History.

Brad, interesting choice with Buck Breaking. I watched it and I don't think we'll be using it in training seminars, but it was certainly an interesting film.

Dave, great pick with the peanut butter. Oh, a bunch of you brought peanut butter!

That's great!

Let's see if anyone has anything different...ah! Katie brought wine. Black Girl Magic! That brand sounds totally amaze, girlfriend.

*sighs* What is it you're sniggering about back there Brad? Why are you looking at me that way LaToya? What? Oh my gosh no it's a real word I swear!

It's right there in the dictionary, go in and check!

No I'm sorry you're right, it's not incumbent on me to tell you to research something. I should defer to your experiences as a WOC.

Wait what are you doing? Are you filing a complaint? But I manage the HR complaints over issues of race! Please LaToya I swear I'm not racist I voted for Obama twice, and then Liz Warren, and I posted the black square...please LaToya--I'm sorry I didn't mean to "lay hands on you" I was just trying to stop you from--

Wait. . . you're calling the police?

But you're literally wearing a shirt that says Defund the--

-- end of transcription --


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