Inauguration Day Fashion Round Up
The question on everyone's mind is "who are they wearing and where can I buy it?"
Since this administration is never going to focus on worthwhile stuff that we should actually care about, I am channeling my inner Joan Rivers today, to give this red carpet roundup from the Inauguration of Grandpa Joe.
Let's begin with Michelle, love the color, but how big are those pants? The belt buckle is too large for the actual belt and the shoes are all wrong. You cannot wear big pants with tiny shoes, they are lost in the bells, and they look dirty. Steal this look from a Roaman's catalogue for 6 easy payments of $29.99.
Purposeful? Yes. Subtle? No. I'm sorry shug, be you cannot "out-Melania," Melania Trump, cute outfit? Yes. Great color? Absolutely. But you started this whole thing off with a "who wore it better?" contest. You may be a "doctor," but you are no supermodel. This probably came straight out of a Stitch Fix box, with the only instruction being "I lIkE bLuE."
Breakout fashion star? I had no idea my Saturday morning unwashed hair, spare glasses and old men's coat from my Dad's closet that I bedazzled when I was drunk during my college grunge phase was fashionable. I'm a breakout fashion star, check it bitches!
They're calling this Lady Gaga ensemble, a "Hunger Games" tribute. I call this "she still looks like she needs a shower." This look is easily recreated by hunting through your grandma's jewelry box, and borrowing a red satin sheet from the Playboy mansion.
This guy pretty much nails it. Let's talk about being her age and still trying to be a blonde, let it go, girl. Let us also address the elephant in the room, a brown coat. Brown. Like the poop that you are, and the poop sandwich you ate four years ago. This look available on any JC Penney going out of business clearance rack.
Now I have no idea what Nirvana is, but from context clues it seems like its a thing to be achieved through yoga and meditation and eating vegan donuts. I am pretty certain it does not come from shoving a plastic bell in your cumazeegom. From what I can remember about periods, everything hurts, and chocolate is the only cure. If I was Kamala, would put this crazy person on a terrorist watch list for comparing her special inauguration day look to a period appliance. At the very least, I would burn that coat. Gross. If this is Nirvana, keep it, I would prefer to remain unenlightened.
Last but not least, the real winner of the red carpet on Inauguration Day, Bernie Sanders. Perfectly capturing the "crotchety old man" vibe. His look says, in no uncertain terms, "Its cold out here and this is all bullshit." For the record, I'm here for it Bernie.
And now for some eye bleach after that Inauguration Day Fashion review, here a few photos of a lady who knows how to dress herself. Former FLOTUS Melania Trump, (no wonder Jill tried to copy her.) This gal could make a burlap sack look like a Paris runway. Get it girl!
I'm not sure about you folks, but I hope I can make it through four years of slobs, chucks and pearls, grunge girls with unshaved armpits and the celebration of mediocrity in all aspects. Bernie is right, Its cold out here and this is all bullshit.