I don’t know if you’ve been keeping up with current events or not, but you’re talking to the reigning Women’s Swimming Champion – at least for the 500-yard freestyle event, which is kind of a big one, in case you weren't aware.
After talking things over with my coach, I decided to hold back in a few of the other races to give the other gals a chance. I even tied for 5th in the 200-yard freestyle, so I don't see what's the big deal.
I really don’t see why everyone’s so mad at me.
I mean, I have to imagine every hyper-competitive (but non-elite) male athlete has contemplated this at some point. I’m just the only one with the guts to give it a shot. To be fair, I didn’t try to fool or deceive anyone, like those guys did in baseball back in the day. I was perfectly clear that I had recently transitioned.
Besides, the opportunities to stop me were numerous and well-documented. To be honest, there were a couple of occasions when I thought to myself, “Okay Liuh. There’s no way there going to let you get away with this. Just be prepared when they shoot down your request to compete.” But to my surprise, I sailed through every single hearing with the NCAA higher-ups.
Hell, they never once even put up a fight!
Once or twice, my conscience almost got the better of me and I felt like blurting out, “Jesus! What’s the matter with you people? Won’t at least one of you make a fuss about this? I mean, I want to compete and everything, but my God, you’re making this way too easy!”
Of course, things did get a little heated once I started shredding the competition on the regular, but I expected that. I knew the Fox News types were going to have a field day, but those shows are just outlets for old fuddy-duddies to vent their frustration about how they have no influence or control over anything anymore. Who cares what they have to say?
No, what I was really worried about was some sort of carefully worded think-piece in the New York Times (or someplace) that would deeply question the ethics of allowing former men to compete against women. You know, an op-ed along the lines of “Should our Acceptance of the Trans Community be Limitless?” or something like that.
But nope! Not a peep!
In fact, I’m slightly embarrassed (and annoyed) about all this praise I’ve been getting. People tell me all the time about how I’m so “brave” and “heroic” and so on, but let’s be real here. I could care less about the trans community. They’re all a bunch of weirdos as far as I’m concerned. I just wanted to win. That’s all that ever mattered to me. Winning is everything. And I here I am: a winner. I got everything I ever wanted out of this and now I can put this whole thing behind me.
So, please don’t judge me because I found a loophole and exploited it. Would any of you in my position done anything different? Think about it. If there was a slightly disreputable way you could get what you most wanted (but which was otherwise impossible) wouldn’t you have at least considered it? Just some food for thought.
Now, will I remain living as a woman? Well, I should probably make a pretense for a few more years, just to avoid making it seem too obvious.
And there’s a couple of things I like.
The women’s washrooms and locker rooms are typically cleaner. I’ve got a sudden craving to buy scented candles and dove ice cream bars by the dozen, among other things. But I’ve gotta say, the underwear thing is a real pain. Rides up my crotch every time. I don’t know how you cis-gals do it!
So, we’ll see when it comes to switching sides again. There’s been a couple of unexpected bonuses too. Of course, I’m still attracted to cis-women and dating women as a woman yourself has frankly been a breeze. You see, a lot of gals these days are hard-wired to support anything to do with LGBTQ+. It’s like a secret button you can push to get them to do whatever you want. Just make them feel guilty about not wanting to sleep with a trans woman and swoosh! You’re in like Flynn!
So, yeah. There’s some advantages to this arrangement, for sure. You get all the perks of being a man plus all the perks of being a woman. You just have to shave a bit more often and, like I said, the underwear part is annoying. Anyway, I'll just have to play this by ear and see how it goes. But I've got my medals and my time in the spotlight, and that's all that really matters to me.
Remember kids, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And then beat them unmercifully.
Catch ya later,
Disclaimer: If you can't tell this is satire, you're either a fucking imbecile or acting in bad faith. If you fit into either category, kindly go fuck off.