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Here Lies CNN+, The Streaming Service Nobody Asked For

Hindenburg. Waterloo. New Coke. History is littered with man’s vainglorious attempts at greatness, only to be later cut down, the ruins smote upon the ground. We normally give these failed attempts at least a half-hearted respect. A word that carries some historical significance even of failure is more than most men will achieve in their short time on this mortal coil.

Some of those disasters, though, will carry no solemn reverence, will not cause pause for a moment of quiet contemplation, and will simply disappear from history as fast as they came. CNN+ is one of those disasters.

Absolutely no one was surprised by this turn of events. Not you. Not I. Literally not one person except for Chris Wallace was unsure what the outcome of this venture would be other than absolute, sheer catastrophic failure.

Look at the tweet above for Wallace’s new show (sorry – I mean former and canceled show) where he interviews Circle Back Psaki. This aired last night and has only 101 likes as of 2 pm ET the following day (about 1/4th of what @flapprdotnet gets on Fridays when tweeting out a video about Bobs). I only hope this is a harbinger for what will happen to Psaki for whatever contract and / or show she gets with MSNBC.

And I don’t hate Chris Wallace and I don’t wish him ill. I just think he’s an old fool that time has passed by. Chris, a little advice - take your millions, go buy a house in the country, and raise chickens and goats while reading and taking naps. We don’t need to hear from you ever again. Enjoy your twilight years. I really mean that.

A small part of me will always wonder if CNN+ was Jeff Zucker’s “poison pill” for after he left the network because let’s be serious – why would you ever attempt something like this if you’re a sane individual? You’re either deliberately making something that will blow up and destroy the organization that you’re leaving behind or you’re a sheer lunatic – there’s no in between here! Maybe Jeff knew with all the scandals at that network he was never going to make it out on his own terms. Maybe he secretly hated CNN and everyone he worked with… who knows?

We’ve all seen the slow motion disaster that is CNN over the past few years. The ratings that would make most self-respecting You Tubers laugh. The hilarious and sophomoric Jeffery Toobin Zoom scandal. The absolute ceasing of even the most basic of journalistic ethics or standards as Chris Cuomo both interviewed and gave advice to his governor brother. It’s been a network in decline and a punchline for some time now. No one was expecting CNN+ to change that.

With the demise of CNN+, I think it’s pretty clear that the rest of us are just waiting for the other shoes to fall and that should be right quick. Do you think that absolute bootlicker Brian Stelter has more than a month or two before he gets canned? Do you think management is going to keep Don Lemon around any longer than they have to? Lemon’s lawsuit against him may have gone away but the fact that Lemon is an idiot putz that can’t draw ratings certainly hasn’t disappeared.

I suppose Anderson Cooper or Jake Tapper might have a second run at whatever form CNN takes in its second coming. For the most part, though – I’m pretty sure CNN’s time has passed. It might get bundled with some cable packages and limp on for the next few years but I think any good will the public had for it has evaporated.

For those of us that grew up in the 80’s and 90’s and still remember when James Earl Jones said “This… is CNN” as the slogan and soundbite, the network will eventually be a bit of nostalgia and an answer on Trivial Pursuit cards. But CNN+? Except for a few hardcore political or media historian types – it won’t be remembered for anything at all.

For the short term, let's remember CNN+ with some of the best memes of the day.

10/10, wins the day.

Ouch, that's what "journalists" told coal miners to do when they celebrated the elimination of their industry.

Can't believe that line up didn't attract a bigger audience.

"Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wiiiiiiiind"

"Pay me in Chicken Tendies!"

Good riddance to bad rubbish.


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