Headlines With The Z News Team (7.1.22)

Hippity Hoppity, it's time for headlines! SCOTUS dominated the news of late, and for that, all of us at Goon HQ raise our glasses. But lots of other stuff went on. Join us in our never-ending quest to understand man's folly. It's myself (@mannurfa), Steve (@sdamnja1), Sir Micks A Lot (@sir_micks_alot), and New Dutch (@gaylittleweiner).

Burnout: Imagine having an absolute hammer lock on a state government, deciding to directly attack people's constitutional and natural rights, having unlimited time to do so, and still screwing it up.

Steve: We don’t call them politicians for no reason.

Micks: First female governor moment.

Burnout: Happy pride month!

Steve: Good news! All of those single men and women in Japan are still single!

Micks: Anthony Kennedy sitting in his study in Palo Alto, speaking with his Japanese lover over Zoom, seething that his ridiculous writings carry no weight in Nipponese law.

Dutch: Imagine an entire society so tightly wound nobody can have sex.

Steve: Lol. Nothing. You get what they give, losers (see senate Republicans).

Micks: They’re owed identification as “the” victims, Ms. Headline Editor.

Burnout: I want to point out that it's in New Mexico, so it's really only the wildlife I feel bad for.

Steve: OMG. Global warming contributed to the fire we caused. Vote blue or we do it again

Steve: Hear me out: Simon's goatee is enough to make me want to burn myself alive.