I regret to inform you all that Harry Potter is officially CANCELED! Why? Because SJWs are mad that JK Rowling stopped writing fiction, for once. Perfect timing too since book burning is back en vogue. Hey don't blame me, I don't make the rules.
This saga began because famed author JK Rowling has this bad habit of stating biological facts on Twitter and she has defied the radical Leftist woke-scolds for the last time. This week the British author had the audacity claim that men do not menstruate and that biological sex does, in fact, exist. The horror!
As you can imagine, this of course sparked outrage from the online Left. This self proclaimed 'turbo gay dumpster raccoon' was incensed to discover that Rowling's epic adventure about child wizards written for children wasn't actually a book about queers. Hopefully someone casts a Silencio spell on this lib ASAP.
Not to be outshined by the online woke mob, celebs naturally had to get into the fun too. Daniel Radcliffe, the untalented midget who played Harry Potter in the movies, immediately leapt at the opportunity to pile on. I fear that Mr. Radcliffe has been hit with a very powerful Confundus charm as he appears to be under the impression that men are women.
Now, its news to nobody that Rowling herself is on the Left, a liberal to be sure. When not making ghastly claims that men don't bleed from their non-existent vaginas once per month, she spends much of her time ripping on Donald Trump and Conservatives. But she is learning the hard way that the Woke Progressive Left in 2020 will eat their own in a heartbeat. Even your supposed friends/colleagues will stab you in the back faster than that little rat fuck Peter Pettigrew if it means getting some progressive brownie points.
None of this is the least bit surprising considering Libs (especially the woke Left) live their mindless NPC lives under the Imperius Curse of progressivism and also have no other cultural or historical reference points except Happy Potter.
The silver lining in all this is that since the outrage mob has Avada Kedavra'd JK Rowling into oblivion they might finally get around to reading another fucking book. In the meantime, since these miserable folks are hard pressed on destroying everything from our childhood, I guess I will just join my buddy Nero and enjoy watching the Left's continued descent into utter madness.
Have to give Rowling credit though for not bowing to the mob on this but its still early - by this time next year we could have an origin story about how Voldemort looked like that because he was actually some sort of androgynous asexual or a sequel about how Ron left Hermoine to live his truth as a "Rhonda" or the big reveal that JK's personal Patronus is actually Chaz Bono. No matter how this plays out folks, just remember that not even in the wizarding world of Harry Potter is there a spell or potion that makes a man a woman because men are not women (countdown to my cancellation starts now). Oh, and a friendly reminder - The Best. Is Yet. To Come!
-JAC