• Burnout

Government is the Problem, Part I: Obedience Will Not Save You, Ohio

I don't like Democrats or Republicans. I vote Republican because I find they can (generally) represent my interests without a lot of nonsense better than members of the Libertarian or Constitution parties (who aren't getting elected) or the Whigs (who just don't exist anymore). Generally speaking, however, the whole lot of them are rubbish.


One of these rubbish people is Ohio Governor, Mike DeWine.

We should expect this stuff from Nurse Ratched (D-MI) or Governor Nation-State (D-CA), but DeWine is a Republican governor in a state that has rapidly become ruby red. This kind of act shouldn't even be on his radar.


It's not even that proper precautions are dumb--basic hygiene and common sense are actually useful--it's that this was already tried and reeks of big brother.


Masks and lockdowns didn't work because viruses are everywhere and total lockdowns are simply unrealistic. Your dear columnist's day job is in education, so if you're on the fence, just trust me that perhaps nobody on earth is more credentialed to tell you that the fear porn of COVID is still grossly prevalent in our nation.


And the "Retail Compliance Unit" is Orwellian. DeWine could have used those resources to invest in infrastructure (Ohio roads and bridges are laughable), or jobs programs, or built a giant pyramid of money and lit it on fire outside Paul Brown Stadium, but instead he decided to expand an unelected bureaucracy to dictate to private citizens how the live and conduct business. That should be frightening.

Here's the thing, Governor: Either masks work, or they don't. Lacking a brain and a central nervous system, viruses don't know the difference between taking communion wine, or taking a drink of champagne at the reception. Viruses don't know the difference between a birthday party and a peaceful riot in downtown Columbus.


Either the masks work, and your COVID numbers aren't real and this is just a grotesque power grab, or masks do work and the virus just spreads in other ways and this is just a grotesque power grab. You see the quandary we're left in.


That's the thing, Bud. Nobody is surrendering to the virus except you and the other Virus Harpies who scream about infections all day (looking at you @DrEricDing). Most of us have accepted that this is the flu, and nothing more, which leads to this next humdinger:


Do you mean our doctors and nurses? I've got news for you, Bud. Doctors and nurses make an obscene amount of money specifically to risk their well-being dealing with disease and trauma. If they don't like it, they can try to work from home with Teledoc.


If this were last March, and this was the initial restriction, I probably would only be taking you to task for the Karen Brigade you're forming, except that:

So, what, exactly, are you accomplishing? You're doubling down on an order you're loudly proclaiming to not have worked? Who do you think you are, Andrew Cuomo (D-NY)?


When I was growing up, one of the reasons Democrats kept holding significant power was that Republicans were basically just weak, unfun versions of Dems. Republicans were all of the downside of Democrats then, without any of the free stuff. Congratulations, Governor Mike Dole, I guess.

Governor DeWine, like most politicians, wants to control your life because he hates you. He doesn't view you as a citizen of a free nation, he views you as a servant of the state. Please continue to generate money for the state while severing all connection to your family and community.


No thanks.


Don't vote DeWine out--I assure you the Democrat candidate is still somehow worse--but rise up, Ohio, and end this madness. Just ignore his dumb edicts. Don't pay his dumb fines. If your school won't open for regular scheduling, drop your kids off en masse at the Superintendent's house (schools will open soon thereafter). If your university won't open, drop out, learn a trade, and consider getting people together to file a class action suit for tuition (you'll be better off, trust me). If a business requires masks or has "COVID Hours" then go elsewhere. Screw these people. Screw Mike DeWine.

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©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib