• Burnout

Goon Trolling the ACLU

It's been a long time since the Goons did anything on Flappr.


To be sure, Goon HQ is busy and lots of big things are always happening. but we haven't been around in a while re: Flappr.


But we've recently taken on the ACLU. They're always full of bad thoughts, but this week they really out did themselves, and like the Internet Shriner Terrorists we are, we jumped in.

Look, readers of this column will be hard pressed to find a sympathetic ear for the trans community, this is true. The official stance of this column, and Goon HQ, is that they need help, not hatchets. Help, not hormones. Still, nobody wants to treat them as less than human, because that's very obviously both cruel, and factually wrong.


All the same: We have certain boundaries and norms in society. We set guidance for when we can and cannot do things. Even hunter-gatherer tribes do these kinds of things; these norms exist so that people can live and work together with direction, goals, and most of all, guidance.


One of those boundaries is that we determine what we call you and how we identify you based on how your identification reads. If we didn't, people could change their names, genders, species, you name it, at a whim. Anyone who has, had, or worked/works around kids knows this is true. This columnist even once insisted he was a seal.


Look, Uber Eats is a garbage business and if they die nobody at Goon HQ--especially this columnist--is going to shed a tear. But the idea that a private company is someone to pressure here is insane. The difference between Uber Eats and you, in this instance, is the former has much more money, and the latter has a soul.


On to the Goons:

We've all pretty much known that the ACLU is a lizard organization for a while, but their refusal to exist in reality--as Micks points out--is a new and exciting development.


Look. There are two genders: Male and Female. They are determined by your chromosomes, so in actuality nothing is going to make you transition to being a woman if you're a man, or a man if you're a woman. We as a society try to humor others by saying that hormone replacement and surgery will change anything of pertinence, but the truth lies deeper, so to speak.


And so the ACLU, like a Merriweather Lewis of Insanity, marches forward into new waters. This organization does not exist on our plane of reality anymore, and Goon HQ was there to call them on it.


In the eyes of the ACLU, of course, they are doing something productive. They're getting transsexual people the recognition they need, one supposes. The unfortunate reality is that, they're very serious about this. However, Caesar's sentiment (and Goon debut) is nonetheless, a sentiment shared by rational people everywhere.


They could be fighting to break corrupt unions in cities like Chicago and Los Angeles so that students there could have access to educational opportunity instead of Democrat cronyism. They could be fighting to stop the assault on the second amendment, and the right to defend ourselves, loved ones, and property. They could be fighting for the rights of the January 6 tourists, who rot in cells indefinitely while ANTIFA and BLM rioters walk free.


But instead, they scream about Uber Eats not using the right gender. This should tell people what the ACLU is concerned with.

Leroy brings us home by pointing out that the ACLU is just wrong at every level at this point. They are not particularly American, nor are they concerned with actual Civil Liberties, nor do they seem unified with anyone, save the same people who make TikTok videos all day.


They're just an unserious organization, and they deserve to be ridiculed as brain addled clowns, which Leroy does well here.


And with that, us Goons took our leave. But how did the ACLU handle our criticism a day later?

Goons remain undefeated.

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