Flappr Fantasy Football Week One: The Commish and Steph Dominate

The NFL season is upon us, and millions of fantasy football leagues have started along with it. Not wanting to miss out on a chance for bonding with our Twitter frens, Flappr is sponsoring a league with 10 teams. A special thanks to Flappr founder and MILF aficionado Bartleby for starting the league, and his choice for Commissioner, the esteemed Twitter Coffee Shop owner, bassist, and Lena Dunham enthusiast, Leroy Brown.

X_Miller__Lite_X has been typing away in the group chat and asking for a position in the league, so Leroy has agreed to make him the Assistant to the Regional Commissioner for the league.

"All you need is love. False. The four basic human necessities are air, Miller Lite, food, and shelter."

Hopefully these new duties don’t distract him from choosing the right players to put in his lineup.

For those of you who don’t play fantasy football, it probably seems like a big waste of time. And in a lot of ways, you’re right. However, it feeds the primal male need to compete, and more importantly, it allows you to make fun of the other participants in the league. As Herm Edwards famously said, “You play to win the game.” The most frustrating part is that no matter how much you think you know about football, you will be humbled by the random ways things can happen, and the rest of the league will be there to rub it in.

Anyway, here’s a quick recap of the games:

Derrick Henry’s Twin (@jonbrooks935) vs. Two Scoops (@_Miller__Lite_): In the lowest scoring game of the weekend, it came down to Monday Night. Two Scoops was plagued by first rounder Aaron Jones getting 4.2 points and another starter being declared out. Even with both of those low scores, the game could have been over already if Two Scoops had played either D’Andre Swift or Gronk. For that, Two Scoops wins the Flappr Forgotten Man Award, to be awarded weekly to the team whose bench could have won them the game.

Master Bedroom Dwellers (@Twi77erSuxDong) vs. M.I.L.F (Man I Love Football) (@ElderBartleby): The next game was never really that close, thanks to the Packers not showing up for the season opener. However, Bartleby stated that he does not mind losing when long time Bears’ nemesis Aaron Rodgers’ terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day is responsible for the loss. We shall see if Master Bedroom Dwellers can continue to win playing Stafford, Kupp and Woods from the Rams together.

Bad Mans (@snakebro7) vs. Hackensack Cookies (@Travis_Tyree): Bad Mans got 90 points out of his 3 WRs, giving him a comfortable win, and the high score of the week. This nets Leroy the Flappr Top Hat award for the week. For the Cookies, Zeke Elliott was one of 3 first round RBs who scored in the single digits.

Mr. Brown goes into Week 2 as a HEAVY favorite to have back-to-back LARGE victories

The Sultan of Stretchmarks, LeRoy Brown.

Fugly Slots (@balling_it) vs. Stephanie’s Amazing Team (@Stephanieco15): Stephanie showed that the ladies can play fantasy football with a strong all-around performance led by Amari Cooper. Stephanie also had the best performance by the latest draft pick, Jamaal Williams, who was a 12th rounder. The Slots had their first round RB Saquon Barkley put up 3.7 points.

Stephanie celebrated her victory in predictable fashion.

Whether or not Steph will wake up for Week 2 remains uncertain.

Penalty Boxers (@ground_miller) vs. Italian Defense League (@michcusejac5): The Italians jumped out to a big lead Thursday night thanks to a pair of Cowboys and never looked back, even while leaving Antonio Brown’s 23.7 points on the bench. The Boxers could never catch up, especially when Davante Adams and Mike Evans accounted for 16 combined points.

That’s all for Week 1 of the season. Come back next week for the Week 2 update.