It's Friday and nobody else at the Flappr compound seems ready, willing or able to provide you with entertainment, so I am taking it upon myself to try and fill the content void.
I didn't REALLY have anything ready to share today, so instead of putting in a half-hearted effort into writing about something critical to the American way of life (like this smutty shirt blog I wrote about on Monday), I thought I'd share five things that have been bugging me lately.
So without further ado, here are five things that grind my gears:
1) The Media
Shocker, I know - I mean I write about how much I resent our corporate press literally every day. But it's a stick in my craw that refuses to unstick itself.
Just this week, we had the media blame everybody but themselves for putting too much attention on the disappearance of Gabby Petito and not enough attention on missing women of color.
I mean, who the fuck do these people think they are? What a bunch of malignant cunts. Nobody is stopping these literal (well, more figurative, to be honest) anal polyps from using their platform to try and help locate missing women of any color.
Kirk Minihane captures my feelings quite well:
Then you have the media's shock and horror over "Whip-Gate", which didn't involve any whips, didn't involve anyone being whipped and resulted in some border patrol officers being suspended (pending an investigation) and the use of horses disallowed in Del Rio until the situation is resolved.
Just look at this reporter from PBS (your tax dollars at work) try and strong arm the Biden Administration into basically condemning something that didn't happen:
What's weird (actually not weird at all) is that Ms. Alcindor didn't give two fucks about this story until there was a social justice angle available to her to push.
She didn't care that 14,000 of these Haitian illegals were camping under a bridge.
She didn't care that the vast majority of them aren't claiming refugee status from Haiti, but are instead using the current Haitian crisis as a pretext after having been resettled in South American countries after the massive earthquake a decade ago.
No, she's just a activist hack that wants to push a narrative that our border agents are modern day slave catchers or something.
Fuck her and the horse she rode in on (get it?)
2) People who set up meetings at the earliest time possible.
Yes, my calendar says I can meet with you at 9 a.m., but no, I do not want to meet with you first thing in the morning.
Give me a breather, let me take my morning constitutional and respond to a few e-mails first.
Have some fucking respect for the fact that I probably just barely got my kids to school and my first Monster Energy Drink of the day has barely started to work.
I get that you're on the east coast and it's 10:00 am, but it's 9:00 a.m. here and I can barely fucking function.
So just fucking chill - slide that meeting back an hour and I'll hate you much less when we talk.
3) People who set up meetings at the latest time possible.
Yes, my calendar says I can meet with you at 6 p.m., but no, I do not want to meet with right as I am about to go home for the day.
Give me a break, let me spend the last thirty minutes of my day doing something for Flappr, maybe making a cool meme that will get this shit bag website some new followers.
Have some fucking respect for the fact that I probably just got off back-to-back-back calls, my eyeballs hurt and I'm about to suffer a psychotic episode from the other assholes who've already ruined my day.
I get that you're on the west coast and it's only 4:00 pm, but it's 6:00 p.m. here and I can barely fucking function.
So just fucking chill - slide that meeting to 10:00 a.m. tomorrow and I'll hate you much less when we talk.
4) People who don't know when to shut the fuck up.
You know who I am talking about.
The dude who goes to gym to socialize rather than work out — and spends the majority of his time walking station to station talking to all his stupid fucking friends about asinine, vapid, bullshit and then laughing about all their inside jokes.
The person at work who turns a ten minute meeting into a thirty minute meeting because they need to proselytize about their new company initiative (probably something about inclusivity) or thinks that you give two shits about their kids or the vacation they just returned from.
Nobody cares that your ugly fucking kid played the role of Goody Proctor his school rendition of The Crucible, and actually - it's fucking weird that the school would have him play a role of a woman.
So do everyone a favor, develop a personality and shut the fuck up.
5) Making lists of five things, when you only have three things in mind.
Seriously, I should've kept this list to three, but I wanted to make sure this was substantive enough to entertain the ungrateful masses.
Why did I convince myself to push this pointless list from three to five, when a) nobody is likely to even read this stupid blog; and b) if they do, they probably already closed the window after item one or two?
This was supposed to be a quick end of the week blog to keep the website fresh and now I'm like 1000 words in already. How fucking dumb was that decision?
Why did I caption that photo above "You're not gonna believe this bro, I sucked a dude's dick on accident"? That didn't even really make sense. I guess it's funny because a lot of those dudes are repressed homosexuals?
Anyways, that's five and I've satisfied my promsise.
Have a great weekend and God Bless America.