Emperor Obama Celebrated His Birthday This Weekend

This past weekend, former Leftist-in-Chief, Barack Obama, celebrated his 60th birthday.


The event itself was criticized by the greater congregation of rank and file Literally Batspit Insane Marxists, from their Base of Ruination in the West, to their Fetid Seat of Power on our Eastern shores, and sometimes points between.


You see, the Congregation of Literally Batspit Insane Marxists--which is everyone still voting Democrat at this point including your neighbors and relatives--has bought the orthodoxy of modern Leftism, hook, line, and sinker.


We all need to separate ourselves from the rest of humanity forever, lest we not achieve immortality.


Earth has never experienced cycles of warming and cooling before the dawn of man, and will never do so again.


Feelings, not unalterable chromosomes, are the determining factor in one's sex.


Those first two are the two this column is concerned with.


You see, our most disgraceful living president had originally planned to have over 500 guests fly out to Martha's Vineyard for a multi-day birthday event. This, understandably, caused the Congregation of Literally Batspit Insane Marxists to become concerned. How could he do this when concerns about the Delta Variant are running amok amongst the Progressive Base? How could he so irresponsibly burn so much fossil fuel when the world is in the midst of irreversible global warming?


Artistic rendition of this columnist, talking to people about COVID in the year 2021.

Anywho, the high priests heard the cries of the Congregation and convinced Obama to act concerned. So he cut the guest list to "family and close friends" to reduce number of people together and on fossil fuel reduction. Below is the end result.

Caligula would blush.


One is left to wonder if Obama had not, in actuality, intended to resurrect the Circus Maximus and perhaps even its connection to the Sabine women.

Readers of this column should not use it, or the information embedded within, to try to gently cajole their Leftist acquaintances of the utterly grotesque hedonism and hypocrisy of their chosen leaders.

Instead, readers are encouraged to print it out, and shove it in Leftists faces while screaming "LOOK! LOOK WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU! WOE ARE THE BLIND CHILDREN OF COLUMBIA FOR THEY DO NOT CONCEIVE OF THEIR OWN BONDAGE!"


Then walk away. They will not listen to you, of course, because that which is obvious to you is blasphemous to them. They will not accept that which defies the word of the new orthodoxy.


Still, why not? You, like the High Priest of Secular Bacchanalia, have a life to lead--influenza virus or not--and the bleating masses of his congregation are not yours to be concerned with.


Oh, and happy 66th birthday to Billy Bob Thornton.

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