• Burnout

Don't You Dare Try and Cancel Cracker Barrel!

Cancel culture is awful.

Hipster culture is worse.

When they come together, there is a SoS, or Storm of Stupid.

Things have been pretty rough these past 24 hours. “Gone With The Wind” got cancelled. Anarchists in Seattle found out that anarchy is a very bad system for food production. A Chinese man got into a bit of a fishy situation. And Ice Cube finally revealed that his mind is, in fact, out to lunch.

Ah, lunch. The meal between breakfast and dinner. All meals are wonderful, though. And when you’re traveling across the country, you have lots of options.

You can go to local joints with cult followings, but those aren’t always easy to find, and aren’t always open when you roll into (or need to roll out of) town. There are drive-through establishments like McDonald’s, but food is really not meant to be handed to you in some sort of shameful, window-to-window transaction. Plus, long drives require breaks from cars, not meals in them.

The chain, sitdown diner is a staple of Americana. IHOP only does a good breakfast. Denny’s is sometimes passable. Iron Skillet and Country Kitchen are straight trash. When you’ve been traveling a long way, it’s Cracker Barrel that’s there for you.

Cracker Barrel is a pretty wholesome place. The staff is dressed appropriately, the music is inoffensive but not bad, and they even have a gift shop, which has saved yours truly around Mother’s Day on more than one occasion. It’s just a nice place to eat.

But cancel culture is coming for Cracker Barrel now. Take a look at the vitriol today.

How? How is Cracker Barrel like Jim Crow? Because they have a system to seat people evenly to accommodate all the servers? Every restaurant has those.

In what way, Silly Goose?

How was your experience there somehow fundamentally different than any other restaurant? Did the menu have a space that said “WHITE CUSTOMERS’ PRICE” written on it? You might have been asked to pay for your food. That’s pretty standard in successful restaurants though.

What specifically makes something taste racist? I don’t think that’s a thing, Bud. I think you just don’t like anything American and have conflated “I personally don’t enjoy this thing” with “This is racist.” That's stupid.

I don’t know how decent food at reasonable prices, old time soda, country themed accent pieces, and cute baby clothes (seriously, if I had a baby girl there’s some adorable stuff) became offensive. I think I know though.

These people are hipsters. Cracker Barrel doesn’t serve food with weird names or disgusting craft beer (read: *all* craft beer) (read: all beer). They don’t play songs performed by dudes who whine in flannel shirts and look like they’re trying to women with those gross buns. It's not a place that validates their vapid, pointless existence, so they hate it.

It’s just a nice place to eat and go home and maybe buy a rocking chair.

Cancelling Cracker Barrel *will* result in a Rambo-like break for lots of people, some of whom aren’t even me.

God bless you, Cracker Barrel’s meatloaf dinner with corn, country green beans, fried apples, and cornbread muffins. God bless you, Farmer John Breakfast platter with cornbread and grits. May you defeat these hipsters and live in glory just off our interstate exits forever.


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©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib