Don't Schedule Meetings At 7AM

I live in the Mighty Midwest, home to corn, soybeans, dunes, the Great Lakes, deep dish pizza, Steak 'n Shake and, unfortunately, Wisconsin.

By Milwaukee standards, this man is anorexic.

Most of the Midwest resides in the Central Time. This means we get to watch sports or shows at a normal time, instead of having to watch too early (Pacific Time) or too late (Eastern Time). This is a very good thing, most of the time, anyways.

Living in Central Time does, however, come with downside. Namely, people on both coasts tend to take advantage of the time difference when trying to schedule you for a meeting.

For example: on Monday evening at 8 p.m., I received a calendar invite for a meeting at 8 a.m. Tuesday morning. Then I realized that the meeting was scheduled in Eastern Time, meaning this meeting, which I could not realistically decline, would take place for me at 7 a.m.

Do you know what I'm typically doing at 7 am? Sometimes sleeping, but most times trying get my kids fed, cleaned, clothed and off to school.

Do you know what I'm not ready to do? Talk to you about literally anything, let alone anything important.

Yet, East Coasters routinely schedule these early meetings without any due respect for the fact that:

1) My first Monster Energy Drink of the day has barely started to take effect;

2) I have a house full of screaming children;

3) My dog begging me to take him for a walk so he can take a dump; and

4) I'm silently contemplating drowning myself in the toilet.

My Disappointment Is Immeasurable And My Day Is Ruined

Listen, East Coast people, just fucking chill with these insanely early meetings. Give me a breather, let me take my morning constitutional and respond to a few e-mails first.

You know, let me get into the flow of the day.

If you slide that meeting back to 9 am and I'll hate you much less when we talk, I promise.

This dynamic applies to West Coast people too. Yes, West Coast people, my calendar says I am free at 6:30 pm. No, West Coast people, I do not want to meet with you instead of going home for the day.

These folks have zero fucking respect for the fact that I probably just got off back-to-back-back calls, my eyeballs hurt and I'm about to suffer a psychotic episode from the other assholes who've already ruined my day.

I get that you're on Pacific Time and it's only 4:30 pm, but it's 6:30 pm here and I can barely fucking function.

So just fucking chill, West Coast people. If you slide that meeting back to 10:00 a.m. tomorrow I'll hate you much less when we talk, I promise.

Foreigners working on Foreign People Time? Don't get me started on those meetings . . . those people can fuck right off.

Anyways, Happy Wednesday and God Bless America.