Doctorgate and the Human Response: A Simian Perspective

A lot has been made about the Wall Street Journal Op Ed suggesting that Jill Biden shouldn't use the title of Doctor. Humans, depending on their political persuasion, are either outraged that she uses the title doctor or outraged at the thought that she shouldn't be using it. We at the Simian News Network find this extremely amusing.


There are many types of doctors in the world


Medical Doctors

Turn your head and cough

Research Doctors

Dr. Zaius

Doctors Jones

And Doctors of Mystical Science

to name but a few


There are literally tens of thousands new doctors christened each year. Over 50,000 PhD's alone are granted each year in the United States. Looking at the list of available doctorates on Wikipedia, if it's on the interwebs it must be true, shows doctorates in subjects such as "Professional Studies" and "Missology". What the hell do those things even mean? Seriously you humans are fucking insane with this education stuff. With so many people receiving the title of Doctor each year it has been rendered meaningless. It is at this point a participation trophy title.


One of the more amusing aspects of "Doctorgate" has been watching people say it is insulting to medical doctors for Jill Biden to use the title. This is hilarious because for starters the people "standing up for medical doctors" are also those who are most critical of medical doctors over things like the Rona. The truth is that there are over 17,000 new MDs in the United States and according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics 21,000 new med students are admitted each year.


Meaning over 80 percent of those who enroll in medical school graduate. Being one of 80 percent is nothing to be proud of and let us not forget the insanely high number of deaths each year caused by medical error. It is no wonder humans in that profession want to make the 300,000 deaths attributed to the Rona seem like a big deal. One must also wonder how many of those deaths could be attributed to medical error.


The truth is that the title of doctor is relatively easy to obtain in the modern human society and therefore has little value. On the other hand there are only around 2,700 FBS Scholarship caliber football players per year out of over 1 million high school students playing football each year. Of those 2,700 only about 2 percent make it to the NFL.


Everybody's All American

Of the 11,000 or so college football players per year only 25 make the All American Team and only one wins the Heisman Trophy making these titles extremely rare and therefore something to be proud of earning.


When you create a society in which way more than half of all high school graduates go on to college you end up lowering the value the of a college degree. I know this isn't what the more progressive humans want to hear but it is true. Value is based on scarcity and lets face it humans with worthless degrees are anything but scarce. Maybe if your species quit pretending that academic achievement is something to be proud of and focused instead on doing things that brought you joy you humans would be as happy as my fellow simians.


Just an Orangutan hanging with the boys

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