DNC Night 3: Billie, Barry, BLM and Bullshit

What to say about DNC Night 3?


It was often bizarre, it was often boring, and it was often really fucking galling.


There is no Biden to lampoon today, so I think I am going to switch things up and just share five thoughts I had while watching last night (I watch, so you don't have to).


1. Billie Eilish is a weird-wannabe-wiccan or something and she was a horrible choice for the DNC.


The DNC trotted out something named Billie Eilish and she spoke to America from a haunted forest about how about how you should vote for Joe Biden because LITERALLY your life and the world depends on Joe Biden becoming President:

I mean, fuck you, Billie Eilish and the Icabod Crane you rode in on. Who the fuck are you and why the fuck did your parents name you Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell. How much acid do you have to drop to name a kid Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell?


I know that we're living in these times of political hyperbole (RUSSIA!!!!), but to say that our lives depend on voting for Joe Biden is fucking Baker's Square French Silk Pie level rich. Yes, this virus has sucked, but if you think Joe Biden (or anyone, really) would've handled this better - then I think you're fooling yourself. We are talking about the same Joe Biden that said banning flights from China was 'xenophobic' and a Democratic Party that cheered on visits to China Town while the virus was first picking up steam.


Look. this virus was going to kill people and will continue killing people until we reach herd immunity or there is a vaccine. END OF STORY. There are things that this administration could've done better, but to pretend like there was a magic fix to the problem is . . .malarkey.


Also, if you're trying to convince me that voting for Biden is a life or death decision - maybe try and emote a little more. Just sayin'.


2. Elizabeth Warren is still cringe.


Speaking from a school in Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren attacked the President's response to COVID and blah blah blah he's an existential threat, you know the drill. Her speech was probably the most policy driven one of the entire convention (SHE HAS A PLAN FOR THAT!!!), but still boring and yes, shrill.


The most cringe-inducing part of the speech was, as a lot of people pointed out, that someone had arranged the letters "B L M" in the background of the frame:

Oye. This woman and her party are a never ending source of pandering.



3. Hillary Clinton is STILL a Sore Loser.


Because this demogorgon will never leave us alone, Hillary Clinton was given an opportunity to speak at the DNC and remind us how she ACTUALLY WON in her loss to Donald Trump:


Go away. Leave us, grandma.


She won't, of course. But I love how the "Trump won't concede the election if he loses" crowd doesn't bat an eye when Hillary baselessly accuses him of stealing the election and claims that she won, but lost. The media is awful.


To wash the taste out of your mouth, here are a couple of fun memes from last night:




IT WAS A JOKE!!!, I'M SORRY!

4. The DNC can't get their shit together.


One of the funnier moments last night was when astute observers noticed that the DNC had reused the images for at least 6 of the 30 livestreams that were intended to represent democrats celebrating Kamala Harris' acceptance of the VP nomination:



I hope the GOP learns from the entirety of this DNC debacle. It's poorly produced, sterile and just plain boring. They have the advantage of seeing what hasn't worked with the DNC and they'd better have figured out a way to make the RNC less of a shit show.


5. Barack Obama is a divisive, lying, egotistical dickhead.

Let me be clear, my head is NOT an actual dick.

Man. . . this guy is a real piece of work. The speech he gave last night was detached from reality, full of hypocrisy and pure unadulterated fear porn.


For starters, Obama referred to how he sat in the oval office with Trump and hoped his successor would "take the job seriously" but he has shown that he "doesn't want to put in the work". A) I don't even know what that means; and B) maybe you don't get to reference how you sat in the Oval Office with Trump while at the same time trying to sabotage his administration. I am not a "DEEP STATE" boogeyman believer, but there is no doubt in my mind at this point that the Obama administration, including OBAMA HIMSELF, were involved with trying to derail Trump before he even took office. There are a ton of places where you can do the research yourself, but it seems obvious that they wanted to sew chaos from day one.


Whoa, Mr. President, chill I got this one. Let me do my thing.


That's why when Obama later said that "no public official, including the president should use his office to enrich himself or his followers" I almost threw my remote at the TV. The point he is making is salient, but he is NOT the person to be making this point. This is the same man whose administration weaponized the IRS to go after tea party advocates and used his DOJ to go after nuns who didn't want to pay for birth control. No, sir, you are in no position of judgement here.


Then we got into more gaslighting as Obama talked about how the President should not use the military as "political props to deploy against peaceful protesters on our own soil." Oye. Anyone that has been watching the activities going on in Portland and around the county knows that our military are not being used as 'props', they're protecting federal property against full blown anarchists (see: domestic terrorists) not "PEACEFUL PROTESTORS". This is the same thing as Jerry Nadler saying that Antifa is a myth.


What else?

Mr. President, I said I got this!! and WHY ARE WE USING ALL CAPS!!!!


Yes, Obama talked about how Joe "made [him] a better president" and how Joe has "the character and the experience to make us a better country." If that's true, then why didn't Obama endorse Biden until the race was already over? Maybe it's because what Obama actually knows that Biden is now brain-dead and was never really all that together in his younger years or as he told other Democrats "don't underestimate Joe's ability to fuck things up,'


There is so much more that can be said about the speech, but this post is already way too long so I am going to fast forward to the media reaction and let me tell you, GUYS. . . Obama seems SCARED and you should be SCARED because Obama seems SCARED for our democracy!!!:



Not even during Benghazi?


So there you go. Be afraid America, be very afraid, because Barack Obama says so - the great UNITER (see; divider) is very frightened and Donald Trump is an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. According to Obama this is an incontrovertible truth and if you disagree, you're a low brow piece of shit.


Or, tell these jokers to shove it up their ass and watch them cry for four more years.


Your choice.







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©2020 by Flapper.

Keep the Faith. Hold the Line. Own the Libs.

Mathew Foldi is a Lib