As the post title indicates a Chad Dad did, in fact, save his Trad Wife and chuck a wild bobcat across his front yard:
Absolute King shit from Chad Dad.
Our Boomer Adonis yanks the bobcat off Trad Wife, it growls in his face and, undeterred, Chad Dad flings that fucker across the front yard.
Dude didn't flinch, he sensed danger and immediately (well... pretty immediately) jumped into action and resolved the situation.
I mean, that's what Chad Dad's do.
Now I should preface the rest of this blog with the following: I don't know anything about this video, I stumbled across it yesterday on Twitter and the mystery, sheer competence and unadulterated masculinity involved inspired me to write this post.
This video is only 46 seconds long, but there is so much to dissect - so buckle up, buckaroos, it's time to appreciate the Ballad of Chad Dad.
Let's start with Chad Dad's fit:
Our boy is rocking an oversized fleece, a sweater over a collared shirt, shorts, high socks and hiking boots. This stud is ready to visit his parents, eat dinner with family friends, enjoy a round of put-put, pick up some Ammo from Bass Pro Shop, and/or go toe to toe with a wild bobcat.
Brownies? Yep, he's got those too - maybe dropping them off for his secretary who's been home sick with the 'Rona or bringing a care package to Junior at Indoctrination State University.
Think he's going anywhere without a tumbler full of hot coffee? You're fucking wrong, kemosabe - he never leaves home without a steaming hot cup of joe. He takes his coffee black, of course, no pussy ass sugar or cream for our Boomer god.
Chad Dad is a warrior, no doubt, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have time to say "mornin'" to Carol, the barrel chested, neighborhood MILF, who has always wanted to literally suck the life out of Chad Dad through his trousers.
Chad Dad has not, nor ever would never indulge her, though.
No, Chad Dad picked Trad Wife to be his forever and ever and not even Carol's DSLs could ever change that.
"I need to wash my car" says Chad Dad, who knows that a man is and should forever be judged by how he maintains his tools.
You don't achieve Chad Dad Status by driving around in a slightly dusty 2018 white Ford Explorer.
No, your car is a representation of you and Chad Dad knows it's bucket and suds time when he returns to his McMansion later in the day.
If you think Chad Dad would ever take his chariot to a gas station Car Wash, I'm literally laughing my ass off at you right now. Those things "don't do shit" says Chad Dad, and they certainly would never get his rims as shiny as his trusty tooth brush does when he uses it to scrub in between the lug nuts.
Fuck outta here with that Car Wash bullshit, Chad Dad says, "I need to wash MY car."
"Come on, Trad Wife, I love you to death, but let's pick up the pace here! You know I hate to be late - Chad Dad is punctual AF!"
"Ok, honey, I am sorry . . . I was just bringing out this animal carrier with (what the fuck is inside that animal carrier? A cat?) and . . .WTF?!? I'm being scratched, Chad Dad, help me!!!!!"
Chad Dad hears Trad Wife's distress and springs into action, not knowing what dangers await him. But Trad wife is his Qween and God help anyone who dared to disrespect his Qween.
It's go time, MFER.
Chad quickly runs over to Trad Wife and yanks the attacker off her back.
He holds the hellcat in an inescapable grip as it hisses and growls in his face.
"It's a Bobcat!" Chad Dad exclaims as he prepares to dispose of the beast in the only way he knows how - flinging that fucker across the yard:
Let's be honest here, this bobcat is lucky that Chad Dad watches NatGeo in between re-runs of the Barret Jackson car auction and WW2 documentaries on the History Channel (that is when the History Channel is running that "lame ass reality TV bullshit").
Alas, Chad Dad is a nothing if not, somewhat, deep down, a softie when it comes to animals - so instead of decapitating this beast, Chad Dad hurled it toward the earth and then immediately assumed a defensive posture:
Legs spread apart, glutes engaged, arms akimbo.
Do you think you have a chance to take down this absolute Brick Shithouse of a Man when he's established his leverage in a picture-perfect defense stance?
Things seemed to be resolved here. . . WAIT, NO!
What the fuck are you doing, Carol? Chad Dad had this under control until you decided to go full retard and try to "help". . . by running directly at the bobcat.
Some might say Carol was being heroic here, running head first into the action, but her recklessness destroyed the perimeter Chad Dad had established and pushed the bobcat back towards the house.
"What is that thing?" Carol asks, like a total idiot.
"Heavens, it's a fucking Bobcat, Carol. My lord, if it weren't for those luscious mommy milkers, and my adherence to the code of chivalry , I'd hurl you across the yard too."