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Bartleby Answers Sixth Grade Writing Prompts

I haven't really wanted to blog much lately.

I still love writing. In fact, I am still writing, just mostly scripts for our YouTube Channel (go subscribe you twats!). I still love Flappr and have no plans to shut down the blog or anything like that.

I don't, however, love writing about politics as much these days. It's fun to write satirically about feigned outrage, but less fun to feign outrage over things just for clicks - if that makes sense.

I think it makes sense.

So instead of trying to take a nothing and turn it into a something, I figured we'd try something different.

I found a website that provides writing prompts for sixth grade students and I'm going to answer some.

Here goes. . .

Seriously . . . what the fuck? They asked this question to sixth graders?

I mean, the question is not without merit - what would I do? I guess I'd walk around with a vacuum to suck up my farts? The vacuum would have to have an air-tight sealed compartment, right? Or else the stink would just reek from the vacuum and each vacuum would be single use only.

Frankly, if this scenario ever became true - just assume its the end of the human race. There would be far too many people who would carelessly fart without considering consequences.

Look at Jerry Nadler for christ's sake. Do any of you think he's going to go through the trouble of fart vacuuming?

Not a chance. His farts probably turn the walls in his office a shade of mustard yellow. Imagine them following him around everywhere he goes.

There are plenty of Nadlers out there.

No thanks, just end the world.


Alright, let's see what else we got here.

Again, this seems like an extremely inappropriate question to ask a sixth grader. The next time Libtards tell you that schools are trying to oversexualize our kids, just show them this question. This is what happens when you adopt CRT in schools, everything gets put through a racial lens and we find ourselves segregating all over again.

This question is so dumb and perverted, I don't even know how to answer.

I mean, I've never experienced jungle fever myself, but I'd wager the same thing would happen as when you go into a pink hole or a brown hole (if that's your thing).

You go in the black hole, the hole gets increasingly more saturated and sooner or later (hopefully later than sooner) you . . .

*editor starts whispering in my ear*

So you're telling me I'm interpreting this question the wrong way.

*editor continues whispering in my ear*

You mean the space thingy? Not the body thingy?

*editor nods*

Hmph. Well, I retract my earlier criticism of the question and posit a new response - If you go into a black hole, you get spaghettified by the gravitational forces and die.

There you go. There's your answer.


Let's see what else they got:

Oh, fuck off. Did one of you insert this question on the list just to trigger me?

I've answered this time and time again. I'm not goth.

Sure, everyone likes a big tiddy goth, but that doesn't make ME goth.

It's a fucking meme. Grow up and get over yourselves.

I'm not goth. Find a new slant.


Ok, last one:

Now this is a good question to ask fifth graders. If a child answers "milk" you immediately put him/her or, more likely, xer on a list of suspected sociopathy. You then take that list and help those children get the help they desperately need. You may even need to jail the parents.

This is how you prevent school violence.

There is no circumstance wherein "milk" should go in a bowl before cereal. All that does is make sure that your counter gets covered in milk droplets caused by cereal displacing the milk upon entering the bowl.

And no, do not give me the "it keeps the cereal from getting soggy" line of bullshit. If your cereal is getting soggy it's because you're doing something wrong. It's cereal, scarf it down and move on with your day.

Don't get me started on people who eat cereal with water, or out of a glass or in a bowl with no liquid at all. Those people go straight to jail, no trial, nothing at all.


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