This week, approximately 2,500 people are congregating in Davos, Switzerland for the World Economic Forum's Annual Meeting in an "extraterrestrial" (John Kerry's term, not mine) attempt to solve all of the world's most pressing issues.
You know, the problems that ruin your daily life, like climate change, not eating enough insects, plastic straws and online disinformation!
(If you weren't arrested by the military. . . why so defensive, Brian?)
Now, before you start with the "Davos is where a cabal of globalist lizard people gather to plot new ways to implement the "new world order" (their term, not mine) that benefits them but destroys our way of life", I'm going to have to direct you to reporting from the Associated Press:
Got that? Your claims are bizarre!
It's not like these people are advocating for the destruction of free-market capitalism (the economic system that is most responsible for lifting billions of people out of poverty) or anything.
Oh, well, then . . . I'm sure his reasonings for saying "overcome capitalism" are well rooted in just cause so on and so forth.
Anyways, we're not here to talk about all that - we're here to talk about how this totally normal, not all reptilian, group of elites from around the world really like to hire hookers while in Davos (as claimed by hookers in Davos).
Demand for sex workers by business tycoons and world leaders surges during the five-day summit.
One escort named "Liana" told the German newspaper Bild that she dresses in business attire to blend into the crowd of elites while at the summit. She said her client is an American who attends the meeting. She charges 700 euros per hour and 2,300 euros for the whole night.
Ahh yes, the beauty of free trade on display for all to observe and enjoy. **Speaking in Swiss Sex Worker Pimp Voice** What's that Mr. Davos Attendee? You had a long hard day of planning for the abolition of gas stoves and you're wondering if Jasmine is available this evening for your bi-annual molting process? Well, I'm sorry to tell you that Mark, Klaus and Hillary have already booked her for 3,200 euros for this week, so. . . unless you can top that?
Perhaps this is why that guy wanted to "end capitalism?" Could it be that increased demand has priced him out of the market for his preferred Davos sex worker? A possible, but wholly unsubstantiated theory.
While I do respect how these sex workers have applied the principles of supply and demand to the goods they sell, I do not condone prostitution. Yet, I must admit that I do have empathy for these women.
One can only imagine the unspeakable indignities required of a Swiss sex worker in order to earn 2,300 euros for an entire evening with a Davos attendee - and yet, for the purposes of your entertainment, I will venture a few guesses:
A meal with the Davos Attendee, consisting of flies, crickets, grasshoppers, ants, termites, and moths.
Spending hours laying under an infrared heat lamp to survive the frigid Davos climate, listening to the Davos Attendee complain about how people are refusing to take climate change seriously, why Paul Ehrlich's "Population Bomb" was actually correct (despite being wholly incorrect) and how we humans should appreciate our ability to generate our own body heat.
The lustful clicking sounds made by the Davos attendee as he rubs his throat against the body of his female escort.
Forced laughter at the Davos Attendee's attempts at flirtatious humor, referencing the attractiveness of the sex worker's "cloaca".
The uncomfortable post-coital conversation with the Davos Attendee, ensuring him that protections were in place and that she will lay no clutch of eggs for which he is the sire.
Now, I know what you're thinking and I'm as disgusted with myself for writing that as you are with yourself for reading it. But it's Wednesday, we hadn't published anything this week and this was the most entertaining thing I could conjure up.
In other words, your demand for new content resulted in this blog - so this is as much your fault as it is mine.
Maybe capitalism isn't so great after all?
Happy Wednesday, God bless you and God Bless America.