Am Bear, Will Travel: German Culture Stinks

Editor's Note: The KyCocaineBear and his Lib Wife ("the Lib") are on a European vacation and he has graciously agreed to document their journeys across the pond in this new travel blog series.

Welcome to Am Bear, Will Travel.

The Lib and I are on vacation in Croatia. We left Thursday afternoon and arrived in Frankfort around midnight EST. From there it was a brief hop to Venice and then a 3 hour car ride to Croatia. We were pretty exhausted by that time and went straight to lunch and then back home to nap most of the afternoon away.

I was sitting here reflecting on the trip while the Lib showers and my past experiences with Germany and I realized that I don’t particularly like German culture and I never really have and this voyage over here just solidified that.

Of all the European countries that I’ve visited – Germany is the only one that I ever ruled out living in.

I’ve never enjoyed the language.

sprechen sie dipshits

I speak French as a second language and the smooth beauty of French has always been Europe’s counterpoint to the guttural, unnecessarily long worded that is the German language. I’m instantly annoyed when I hear it spoken and I feel almost tense.

I don’t like how many of Germany’s cities have been rebuilt post WWII. There’s a certain grittiness to them and they lack the medieval charm shared by many of the cities in neighboring counties.

Munich was charming, I suppose.

My last year in Europe, I returned to Paris for another year. No way would I be doing a year in Germany, thank you very much.

But what solidified this deep dislike was the trip over as we flew Lufthansa with a German crew – and let me tell you are they absolute mask Nazis. There was constant harassment of my fellow passengers that they didn’t deem acting appropriately.

It was pretty regular for them to walk through and snipe somebody doing something wrong.


“Sir, please cover your nose.” “Sir, you’ve been done eating for 3 minutes, please put your mask back on.” “Sir, if you keep having to make me ask you I will be forced to report you to the government authorities.” Oh, the government authorities, you say? We know how much you like that, don’t we?

At the Frankfort airport the waiting area seats had every other one wrapped in a ridiculous ribbon placed on it in a fashion that you couldn’t sit on it without breaking the ribbon. So I couldn’t even sit next to my wife, even though we are both vaccinated.

At least 10 announcements were put over the PA system reminding you that Germany requires medical grade masks – not cloth masks.

And as we boarded for the short flight to Venice I listened as the plane stuff seemed horrified (horrified!) as people boarded from international connecting flights with cloth masks. “Ma’am! This is Germany! We require medical masks!” they told people with their eyes wide.

You're average German freedom enjoyer.

I wanted to say “Lady, I live in Kentucky and we don’t wear masks unless we’re in a doctor’s office and we’re doing just fine. Maybe calm down and try thinking for yourself for once.”

Germany is known for its “efficiency” but my dealings with their airports have been anything but. I once almost missed a connecting flight in Berlin because of how huge that terminal is and I had to go from one side to the next.

Is there a tram system like in American airports? Nah.

Just had to run if I wanted on that flight. And today in Frankfort I deplaned, scanned for where my next terminal was and started to head that way. Dead end – doors all closed to get there.

I asked a policeman how to get to Terminal A. He calmly explained I needed to walk 400 meters that way, go through customs, and then it was on the left. Almost half a click when the sign clearly points the other way?

These people are clearly sadists.

Overall, it just bothered me watching how comfortable the German people are to be ruled over. They crave licking the boot and bending the knee.

“Yes, yes – tell me what to do! Rule me, daddy!” French school children don’t have to wear masks in class but I’m more than comfortable to bet they do in Germany.

In the future, I will do my best to avoid Lufthansa and avoid any connecting flights in Germany and I certainly don’t need to visit again as a tourist.

Although, not ALL German culture sucks. . . .