As Russia's invasion of Ukraine drags on and quickly becomes a quagmire for Putin, Russian nuclear forces were put on high alert. Ostensibly, this was because of statements from NATO powers.
At first, this seems concerning. It's the latest in a series of escalations seemingly designed to draw a response from NATO powers, including and specifically America. There have been calls for America to enact stricter sanctions, to give tangential support, and even to put soldiers in the ground in Ukraine. These have been met with varying degrees of support, though obviously nobody would want nuclear war.
What then, are we to do? Further escalation seems detrimental, however, further continuation of the situation seems hardly (though marginally) better. Despite this quandary, if one allows their mind to be open, a solution presents itself.
Simply admit Russia to NATO.
There had been previous calls to admit Ukraine to NATO immediately. This solution was obviously satirical. Admitting Ukraine would change none of the geopolitical arithmetic already at play, and besides, they've done nothing to warrant admittance under current agreed upon guidelines.
We wouldn't want to admit nations which could be problematic to the end goals of NATO down the line, or nations which have internal problems which would be obvious concerns to their function within a large alliance like NATO.
The Super Progressive President of Turkey, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan
Admitting Russia, however, would solve the crisis before us immediately.
First off, I have been assured by top foreign policy experts that one cannot attack an ally. This is strictly against the rules, and of course, as newly minted allies, Russia would be eager to follow our rules. The conflict would cease, at least from our end, as soon as the admittance is complete. Ukraine would now be the enemy, and we would be free to cheer for Russia in their new campaign to spread western democracy to the Ukraine.
Alternatively, we could admit both Russia and Ukraine. Again, it is clearly against the rules to attack one's ally, and so the most obvious solution may be to simply make Russia and Ukraine allies.
Second, it would solve a number of energy issues. By becoming allies with Russia via NATO, we could solve our energy issue currently plaguing the nation's gas pumps. Rather than having to restart the Keystone XL pipeline, and waste not only our own resources but our own labor, we could simply engage in trade with our newfound friends.
Allies are, of course, in an alliance with each other, and so cannot act in economic competition with each other. They must work together for a shared good, which our newly inducted NATO cohorts would be surely eager to do.
Again, we are allies, and therefore we must act as friends.
Lastly, it would allow for a smoother division of world police responsibility. For too long, we have ignored the Monroe doctrine's principle that the Western Hemisphere is for America, and the rest of the world is for the rest of the world.
Why should we send our boys to die in places like Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Palestine, Egypt, Somalia, Bosnia, Libya, Tajikistan, Azerbijan, Jordan, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Qatar, UAE, and Yemen when we have perfectly good third world countries in our own hemisphere like El Salvador, Hondouras, Haiti, Nicaragua, Chile, Peru, Colombia, Brazil, Panama, Dominican Republic, and Canada just to name a few?
Instead, let the sons of the Russians die on their side of the world, so that ours may die closer to home.
My sincerest hope is that this plan is followed with urgency and vigor.