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5 Times We Were ALL Jack Dorsey Silencing Our Political Adversaries!

VASSUP, Everyone, it's your boy BARNABY (LMAO!)

I hope everyone has had a wild, fun, sexually deviant (LOL!), but CDC Compliant WEEKEND!

UNLESS you've been hiding under a rock, there was some big tech censorship news over the weekend. TL;DR - Twitter banned Donald Trump (yuk!) from their platform on Friday and TONS of his loyal henchmen as well (YASSSS). Then Big Tech coordinated to silence several other platforms such as Parler (yuk!) because they are totally just fash or whatevs. Amazon literally just like disconnected their internet thingy and Apple just totes said, not in OUR HOURSE (LOL!). IT WAS EPIC and totally not a terrifying sign of what is to come once Joe Biden takes office (YASSSS).

SO to commemorate this amazing time in society, FlapzzFeed is providing you with FIVE TIMES WE WERE ALL JACK DORSEY SILENCING OUR POLITICAL ADVERSARIES!

1) “When you stopped talking to your family members who still eat meat”

There is LITERALLY nothing worse than still eating meat in 2021. Everyone knows that AOC (YASS) and GRETA (DOUBLE YASS) are trying to save the world from farting cows and if you're not with us, you're against us . . . and you're cancelled. Enjoy your gruel in the gulags, creeps (LOL!)


2) “When you had to tell HR about your co-worker who wasn’t sufficiently anti-racist”

Remember that time you saw Sam not paying extremely close attention during your company wide anti-racism training? Remember the time you told HR about Sam's lackadaisical approach to anti-racism? Remember the time HR fired Sam because you told them his continued presence at the company made you unsafe? IT WAS EVERYTHING. FUCK YOU SAM, you got what you deserved.

3) “When you meticulously reviewed and blocked all of your Instagram followers that didn’t post a black square”

Everyone knows that the ONLY way to combat racism is to post black squares on Instagram when everyone else is posting black squares on Instagram. IF YOU DIDN'T Post a black square on Instagram that day, you were literally putting BIPOC lives at risk. You deserved SO MUCH WORSE than just an Instagram block.

4) “When you broke up with your partner because he didn’t think the girl Ghostbuster movie was better than the original”

Everyone knows that the ONLY way women are going to get opportunities in film is if we support them, REGARDLESS of whether or not the film has any merit whatsoever. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THE FILM "ISN'T FUNNY" SAM!!! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT "KATE MCKINNON IS TRASH AND TOTALLY CRINGE" SAM!!! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THE FILM WAS AN "ABHORRENT MESS, COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ANY OF THE MAGIC OF THE ORIGINAL" SAM!!! It was never supposed to be "good" it was just supposed to make us feel good that women were on the screen and having fun. I am so glad I got SAM fired.

5) "When you canceled your grandpa online after he said that the protests over summer were actually riots"

EVERYONE knows that the protests over summer were good and necessary to bring down systemic racism. WE LITERALLY HAD NO CHOICE. SO whenever calls them violent riots that resulted in the death of people, destruction of businesses and leaving mostly BIPOC communities in ruin, I just call them fascists and do whatever I can to destroy their lives. For example, I taped my 80 year old grandpa uttering that "this rioting and looting doesn't seem like what George Floyd would've wanted" and posted it across my 22 social media accounts and then organized a mob to make sure he was banned from every establishment he relied on for survival. It was HILARIOUS when his own VFW wouldn't even let him in anymore (LOLOLOLOL!). That'll show him to call me a libtard.



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